Friends can be hard and sometimes it’s hard to know how to be good friends. You’ve spent an incredible amount of resources in the quest for friendship. We have all, with our best intentions, invested time into friendships. Whether it was texting, sending Facebook messages, or just making casual conversation. Of course, friendships can take some work, and I guess if we were to look at all the “good friendships” that have been formed throughout history, we would discover this: almost universally we have friends who are not as close as we think they should be.
This isn’t exactly what you want in a relationship, but we can do better than most places. When I think about the first example I come up with is my own family. I grew up in a very different situation than most people I know, and so while I had a lot of friends and a solid support system, most of them I never really got to know. Some of them even became so distant, that I was barely able to recognize them to start with. This left me feeling like something wasn’t in the deal. So I started asking questions and realized I was finally starting to realize my role in my life. At long last, I began getting an understanding of who I am, and what I want in a relationship.
I found ways to make my relationships better over time, and that took a long time. Although there are ways to show someone else you care about them and understand that they are important, there are a couple of ways you can still show your value:
Let Them Know Your Interests:
I’ll go out on a limb here and say sometimes this might be one of the ways you show they are important to you. Most people don’t take that as a sign of affection, and maybe they would expect you to always tell them how you feel about them on some sort of random occasion. If that was the case, you were showing little interest in their well-being, and if you did this enough times they will eventually get the impression that they aren’t important. They probably won’t give a shit. There’s nothing worse than constantly having to sit and wait for a response. Eventually, they will just stop glancing at it, and move on. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t talked to them in a few years, it’s the right thing to do. Showing interest is not a great way to start a new partnership. And if they can be bothered to give us a glimpse, we can always send them an emoji when they are busy talking on the phone. And yes, that works too, I suppose we should be using emojis too.
Keep Trying New Things:
This is somewhat similar to number one, but instead of waiting to see if people notice your interest, you keep trying stuff! Try new things that people love doing with you! When we know someone loves gardening, for instance, we should try gardening together, and with each other. Or try going after crazy careers that involve computers, art, and anything to do with technology, and you’ll soon start to find yourself and your partner enjoying that hobby! Start sharing articles from interesting websites, or start planning a project together. Whatever it may be that interests you, just remember that sometimes the best things happen when you can learn something new! People who are passionate about something tend to be the best friends anyone would ever want. Not only will your romantic relationship grow stronger, but everything in it. These folks are there because you’re willing to open yourself up to learning things you never had before, and can make your lives both more and more exciting. Do your best to always put yourself first as a partner.
Build Trust:
Building trust can be pretty complicated because you never really know where those feelings of security even exist. With my family, I think building trust is one of the most difficult parts of being friends. I have spent thousands of hours finding new friends, starting a relationship with them, and then ending up with no friends. But when I was lucky enough to build trust with one of my closest friends, it was something I hadn’t done until now — until recently. She’s been my best friend since she started dating me in 2011, with whom we have three beautiful children. We didn’t even meet in person until 2014, and we have grown a little apart over the years. But throughout all that we were constantly trying.
All those months of living apart, we did everything together, from housework to picking up groceries, grocery shopping together, and more. None of us had any formal relationship and the thing we share the same hobbies and passions. As such, this bond has never felt like anything less than friendship, and every day her words about me are more evident than others we’ve shared. There are so many benefits to having a friend like this.
One of which is that we get to know our partners much earlier. Having her around longer meant we knew for sure they weren’t leaving, and in turn, kept each other and also helped our marriage grow stronger. Another important benefit is that we could talk openly about what we wanted from our relationship. And not without reason or argument. Sometimes arguments can go nowhere. Other times it can help us grow closer.
In all honesty, we often find ourselves arguing more than we do talking, especially when things don’t seem to be working out in some way or another. The reason they go through all the effort is because once communication starts happening again, we find that our expectations begin to change. Maybe we didn’t meet our goals in the way that we thought, or might realize that we’re not aligned on what is possible.
Regardless of whatever, it’s nice to have someone who knows us better. Once you know your partner this well, it makes it easier to talk about future aspirations and plans. Just like most relationships, a healthy relationship begins when two of us are open to each other and understanding each other. And with my partner, I believe I started with just him knowing. And now I truly think we have gotten to have a strong connection that grows deeper and deeper daily, whether it’s because we do it together or not.
